Reconciliation

What does it mean to restore a relationship? How does one get to a place of restoration when conflict has arisen? What clues does the Bible give about reconciliation?

What does the Bible say about reconciliation? -

1. Desire for reconciliation - Philemon 1v10-17
2. Process of reconciliation - Matthew 18v15-17
3. Urgency of reconciliation - Matthew 5v23-26
4. Patience in reconciliation - Matthew 18v21-35
5. Restoration - 2 Corinthians 2v5-11

Desire for reconciliation

Philemon 1v10-17

I appeal to you to show kindness to my child, Onesimus. I became his father in the faith while here in prison. Onesimus hasn’t been of much use to you in the past, but now he is very useful to both of us. I am sending him back to you, and with him comes my own heart. I wanted to keep him here with me while I am in these chains for preaching the Good News, and he would have helped me on your behalf. But I didn’t want to do anything without your consent. I wanted you to help because you were willing, not because you were forced. It seems you lost Onesimus for a little while so that you could have him back forever. He is no longer like a slave to you. He is more than a slave, for he is a beloved brother, especially to me. Now he will mean much more to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge it to me. I, PAUL, WRITE THIS WITH MY OWN HAND: I WILL REPAY IT. AND I WON’T MENTION THAT YOU OWE ME YOUR VERY SOUL!

Questions for reflection or discussion

1. How does Paul (a prisoner for his faith) express his desire for reconciliation between these two friends of his, Philemon and Onesimus.
2. What do you pick up of Paul’s heart in writing this letter?

Thoughts to consider

The more one is hurt, the more difficult reconciliation becomes. Those who have not been hurt have difficulty understanding. The fact Paul understood shows how much he had been hurt by others. He also knows that Philemon has been hurt by Onesimus.

Process of reconciliation

Mathew 18v15-17

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

Questions for reflection or discussion

1. What steps does Jesus outline here as a process toward reconciliation?
2. Why does the circle of involvement need to increase when reconciliation is not achieved?
3. What does Jesus mean by treating someone as a pagan or tax collector?

Thoughts to consider

The ramifications of conflict include the need for challenging conversations. Where there is no reconciliation, there needs to be a wider circle of witnesses who can hear both sides and be free to come to their own conclusions. Those who continue to disagree need distance from one another.

Urgency of reconciliation

Matthew 5:23-26

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

“When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison. And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny.

Questions for reflection or discussion

1. What is the urgency for reconciliation that is outlined here?
2. Why is there a need to be reconciled to people before fellowship with God?

Thoughts to consider

Whatever the process, it is clear that Jesus considered reconciliation between people as both urgent and important.

Patience in reconciliation

Matthew 18v21-35

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”

Questions for reflection or discussion

1. What is the main reason Jesus gave for needing to have mercy on others?
2. Where have you seen God having mercy on you?

Thoughts to consider

I am daily forgiven for wrong that I am unaware of. Many times I have been forgiven for sins I brazenly committed while expecting God would forgive. Who am I to hold out on others?

Restoration

2 Corinthians 2v5-11

I am not overstating it when I say that the man who caused all the trouble hurt all of you more than he hurt me. Most of you opposed him, and that was punishment enough. Now, however, it is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement. So I urge you now to reaffirm your love for him. I wrote to you as I did to test you and see if you would fully comply with my instructions. When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. And when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ’s authority for your benefit, so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.

Questions for reflection or discussion

1. What kind of relational engagement is asked of those who are restored?
2. What does distance and restoration look like in your relationships?

Thoughts to consider

To reaffirm love to one with whom one has been in conflict can be as challenging as the initial conflict. Trust has been broken and it is not appropriate to presume that trust is restored. There should be love, but a love that is informed by the past.

Overview question for reflection or discussion

1. What does God’s desire for our reconciliation tell us about the way he relates?
2. How could you go about a process of seeking reconciliation?

Thoughts to consider

Jesus came to reconcile us to God. It is no wonder that he who gave his life for such a reconciliation would consider our reconciliation with others so important.

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